Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Happy Birthday James!

One year ago this past Monday, my first grandchild made his grand entrance into our lives! But we didn't get there without a lot of heartache before hand.
When Ashley and Nick first told us they were expecting James, we didn't get our hopes up. In fact, I really dreaded this pregnancy. You see, Ashley and Nick lost two little ones prior and I wasn't sure she would ever be able to carry a baby to term. Watching my daughter grieve for her babies was so hard! That first baby was SO eagerly anticipated! When Ashley lost the first little one, my mom and my older sister Dawn and my youngest, Casey and I all went to the cafeteria to get something to drink just to pass the time while we waited for Ash to come out of surgery. I had not broken down because I wanted to be strong for Ashley and Nick. But sitting in that cafeteria, I lost it. I sobbed. I thought my heart was breaking. I remember saying "I wanted this baby so much"! And if I were hurting so badly how must my daughter be feeling? But as we all know, the passing of time and a lot of help from God helped heal that awful ache of broken dreams.
When they found out they were expecting again, the doctor had her come right in for one of those awful vaginal ultrasounds. Nick couldn't get off work so I went with Ashley.
There was that tiny little peanut with a beating heartbeat!I was overjoyed! A heartbeat must mean good things, right?! But when she went in for a regular check-up around 13-15 weeks, the heartbeat was gone and baby #2 had been called back to God. I couldn't believe it! I had seen this little one's heart beat!! How could this have happened?! And so, I believe right then and there, I began to harden my heart. I questioned what God was doing. What was he trying to teach all of us by snatching these precious little ones away from us? Now I know that's now how it was but gosh, that's really how it felt at the time.
So when they again came to us and told us they were expecting again, I just couldn't allow myself to get excited. I forced myself to put it out of my mind but each doctors appointment Ashley had, I would be SO anxious to hear from them! Ashley's tummy began to grow and by Christmas, 2007, Mike and I started purchasing some baby items all the while thinking that we could return them if we had to. Around Valentine's Day, 2008, they had another Ultrasound that would hopefully tell them the sex of the baby. Nick's Mom and I were invited to go along with them and we sat in that waiting room on pins and needles until she was called back!
You can't imagine our joy when we saw our little grandchild on the screen! The tech pointed out all of the babies features such as the spine, the heart, each little leg with all ten toes, etc...and then....she moved between the babies legs and even before the tech said anything, we knew! We were getting a grandson!! There wasn't a dry eye in that room! I think we even had the Ultrasound tech in tears! Nick's mom kept saying to them both "Look at what you did"!?!? Waiting for little James to arrive began to be exciting but in the back of my mind, I still couldn't help but wonder..."what if"?
Well, arrive he did! Our precious grandson James Andrew Beaman, came screaming into the world on June 15, 2008 weighing in at 7lbs 6oz and JUST PERFECT!! And now here we are, one year later, celebrating his first birthday! He is such a miracle and truly just the joy and delight of ALL of his grandparents! I still miss those first two little ones but I know I will be with them in Heaven one day and I am so thankful for all of the joy, love and laughter that our James has brought to our family. And, I am happy to report that his little brother is expected to join our family within the next few weeks! And you know what, being Grandma is EVERYTHING everyone says it is and I have to confess, when people ask if he's my son, I light up when I get to say "He's my grandson"! Of course, then the next questions is "How old are you"!?! Yeah, it's good to be grandma even at 41!
So, happy birthday sweet Baby James! Grandpa and Grandma just couldn't love you more!!

Singing "Happy Birthday" while daddy holds him.

Digging into his very own first birthday cake!

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