In December, one of my best friends from High School passed away. In June of 2010 she found out she had an inoperable brain tumor. She was gone by December. She left behind a beautiful 7 year old miracle child she was never supposed to have. Really. She was told by doctors at the age of 18 she would never have children. And then, about 10 years into her relationship with her significant other, she commented to him one evening that if she didn't know better, she could swear she was feeling a baby move inside of her. So the next day, just to ease her mind, she saw her doctor. Yep. Pregnant. Her own miracle boy was born just three short weeks later! (I know, right?! How cool is that?!) And now, just seven years later, Austin is without his mama. I'm not gonna lie to you or sugar coat this (mostly because that isn't my thing and everyone knows I have a big mouth) but I really, really questioned God over this. My girlfriend didn't deserve this. Her miracle boy didn't deserve to lose his mama. And yeah, I was a bit angry with God.
It was about this time that I started noticing I wasn't feeling very good. I was having days of this bone numbing fatigue and really just a general feeling of "blah". There were also days of feeling out of whack inside my head. Like I couldn't "land" a solid thought. I've been a migraine sufferer forever but they really hadn't been much of an issue for the last several years. Then, around the time all of this other garbage started up, the migraines started back up. Joy. My lower back on my right side is always in pain. Some days not so bad but others it just burns and aches and I live on the heating pad. And the worst part, next to the fatigue, is that my weight is creeping up and up and up. I've tried every diet known to man, I even quit having my "evening libations" for three weeks. Nothing helps. BSP has taken to calling me BBT. Big Booty Trudy. He says it affectionately but seriously, my booty just keeps getting bigger and bigger. He's gotta be wondering how he's gonna haul this booty around on the Harley this summer! (I started power walking several weeks ago and although no weight has been lost, I'm up to 4 miles a day. Pretty cool even without the weight loss!)
I really didn't think too much of it the first few weeks but by mid January I finally told BSP that I just wasn't feeling well. And so began the laundry list of doctors visits.
I've been poked and prodded so much I'm thinking of charging admission. I've been tested for everything and everything comes back negative. At one point the blood work done to test my thyroid came back wonky so I re-tested and it was fine. At one point there was blood in my urine so they put me on two different antibiotics, re-tested the pee and everything is fine. My doc tried several different "control" type meds for the migraines and they made me feel worse so I said screw it and stopped trying to figure that part out. Last week I finally saw a Rheumatologist who once again, poked and prodded. Everything came back fine except my Vitamin D levels are very low. She put me on a prescription Vitamin D for 12 weeks. Her nurse told me on the phone that very low Vitamin D levels can make you feel pain and fatigue.
I am sick of being sick. Really,really sick of it. I want the old me back. I want all of the freaking medical community to quit looking at me like I'm a hypochondriac or a pill popper just looking for drugs. You know what, I AM looking for drugs because I haven't gotten any answers and I'm tired of the pain in my lower back!
I know I should be thankful that I still have my life to live because my girlfriend didn't get that option but when you're in pain, it's hard to focus on the positive. I also thought long and hard about deleting my Blog 'cause some days I just don't have the energy and other days I figure no one wants to hear about this crap anyway! So, here's the thing... I'm gonna keep my Blog because it's sort of like keepin a Diary except instead of hiding it from prying eyes, I'll just let the whole world take a peek. But I warn ya, these days it's not very pretty! Onward and well, not upward....just onward...sigh.....
