Friday, October 16, 2009

Dear Strangers on an Airplane

Letters of Intent

Yes my friends, it is Friday. Friday's are awesome in many ways and Letters of Intent is one of them. Make sure you jump on over to Julie's Blog and see what everyone has to say today!

Dear Strangers on an Airplane,

This is something that has bothered me for quite some time now, years actually, and I just have to get it off my chest.

I don't care to fly. I come very close to hating it. When we need to go somewhere out of State, I will seriously crunch numbers  to try and figure out a way to drive where I need to be and make every single effort at avoiding getting on an airplane. However, there are times when we have to fly. Going to Alaska. We have to fly. No choice. It's just too darn far by auto. Like three days in an auto.

So when I am forced to get onto an airplane, I would like each and every one of you to leave me alone. I don't know you. I don't want to know you. I will never see you again and you are wasting my "Holy crap I'm so freakin' scared I can't see straight" time. Yeah. I'm that chick.

No, I really am. Did you SEE the plane go down in the Hudson river?! If I'm on a plane and the Pilot or the Co-Pilot or WHOEVER got on the intercom and said, "We are emergency landing in the Hudson" I promise you I will be the chick screaming "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE"!!!!!!!!!!! I will be the chick who will be LEAPING like Peter Pan over your baby, your two year old, your sick elderly grandma to be the first one OUT THE DAM DOOR!! Now I ask you, do you really want to start a conversation up with me?

Do you really need to know who I am, where I'm heading and what I'll be doing when I get there? Because I don't want to know who you are, where you're heading and what you'll be doing when YOU get to YOUR destination. I. DON'T. CARE.

Listen, it's bad enough that we are all crammed like cattle on a truck with ZERO elbow room, leg room, butt room of any kind. That we are miles above the Earth and there's no reason in my mind why this ginormous behemouth of machinery is up that far CARRYING MY SCARED ASS TO WHERE I HAVE TO BE! MUST we make it worse by playing nice? I just don't think so.

So please, if you see me on an airplane, smile. Take your seat and keep your mouth shut. Okay pumpkin? Now where is the Flight Attendant with that dam drinks cart 'cause if I don't get some booze in me and calm down just a hair, things could go badly....



julie said...

LMBO! I am not the scared chick, but I agree that I'd just rather be left alone on a plane! Seriously, I have my nose in a book and/or my ears in headphones for a reason! :P

Lisa said...

I totally agree. That and elevators, buses, Walmart, ANYWHERE! Just leave me alone, please! LOL

Foursons said...

Oh girl! Bahahahahaha! Seriously? You're running over babies and the elderly? Hahahahahaha! I got a visual image of that so clearly in my head and I am cracking up!

Next time you go on a plane just keep repeating, "Que?" and pretend you don't understand. Now if someone starts speaking Spanish to you, turn around and run like hell. :D

Thanks for linking up- you needed to get that out there!

Kathryn said...

Wow! I don't even get to say, "I know you! I read your blog! You're the funniest i read on the blogsphere!"?

Stone Fox said...

HI-larious!! i can just see you leaping over toddlers and stepping on old grannies!

Wife, mother...and now a grandma! said...

50 best friends?? did you remember who you were talking to?? I am not sure I could come up with 50 friends if I included acquaintances!! but....maybe I could at least get one or two of you to join me....guessing you would want to bring BSP too right!?! or maybe........we could leave the guys and just have girls' time with Reba??

Love ya back!

Mama4Real said...

There is a blog on my blogreel about this... if you go now, it's on there, the subject is something about Jesus and airplanes... you'll relate! Barefoot Foodie is the lady who writes it. She is hysterical.

Wife, mother...and now a grandma! said...

oh...and comment must not have "Stuck" the other day...but you CA-RACK me up!! I know I have said that....but are SOOOOO funny!!! Watch out infants and comes the big yellow CHICKEN!!! LOLOL....I have only made one trip to and from Kentucky by plane...and I actually LOVED it!! So maybe we should fly together?!?! I will keep the road clear for you!! :D